2008: The Perfect Storm

So today for New Years Eve I spent the day in bed watching movies while my fiance was at work. One of the movies that watched today was THE PERFECT STORM which I've watched millions of times but can never remember the ending - do they survive? do they get lost at sea - I always forget!

But as I snuggled with my blankey watching the movie, it really made me think about this past year.

2008 was a rough year for me - I've been beaten by the waves, felt as though I was lost in the middle of the life's ocean with no one to help me, almost drowned and have wanted to give up.

However, if there's one thing that I've learned this year, it's that sometimes I just have to ride the waves and let them take me where ever they may and at other times I have to fight my way out of the stormy waters to take a breath. Like the waves of the ocean, I can't control everything. Somethings I just have to leave in the hands of a higher power.

I've accepted some aspects of my life, while other parts of it I'm determined to make better in the New Year. For example, for the New Year I WILL loose the 20lbs that I gained this year b/c that's just ridiculous! One thing I'm going to stop complaining about in the new year is money - I cannot control the economy. Although things aren't what they once were, I still have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in at nice, and I'm not starving.

I am a totally different person that I was last New Years and this time next year I will be married. Life is about progression...I'm slowly making progress. This year I decided to go to makeup school despite not knowing anything about makeup (this time last year I didn't even know how to put on eyeshadow), and now my freelancing business is slowly developing and I've landed an assistant position at one of the most elite makeup studio's in Fort Lauderdale. Another goal of mine this year was to go back to school - it took some time, but in October I was back behind my desk with my head in the textbooks.
The highlight of my year however was having my boyfriend propose to me. I will never forget that moment at my mom's Mothers Day dinner when he announced that he had "something else to say", turned to me and dropped down to his knee...he really shocked me - he's not good at planning anything much less a surprise.
I'm ready to leave 2008 behind - I'm ready to graduate, become a wife and continue growing as a woman. I'm ready for more adventures, more business and planning my wedding.
I wish you all much health, hapiness and success in 2009 - please be safe tonight...

happy new year 2009 Pictures, Images and Photos

I Met My Wedding Planner & A Venue Trip

Yesterday, my entourage (mom, dad, sister & family friend) all made a trip up to my (future) wedding planners house to finally meet her in person and go over the details of her proposal. As soon as I arrived at her house I knew I was going to like her, it was so quirky and filled with many little personal details. Her dogs barked after I rang the doorbell and I waited a few seconds in anticipation to see if she looked the way I pictured her in my (stalker) dream - not at all. I introduced myself, she did the same and we shook hands as she invited myself and my family inside. We sat at her dining table carefully going over ever detail or what she planned on doing in order to ensure that all aspects of the wedding come together over the next few months and that my day will go smoothly. I have to say that we all (my family) felt a sense of security and relief after speaking to her. Our meeting also further solidified the fact that I will need someone to help me put all of the little details together as I just don't have the time to do it myself, or the expertise. Before we left, we also viewed her portfolio as well as her references, thank you cards and emails from couples that she has worked with.

As we left her house, she pointed us in the direction of two venues that she thought I might like. We thanked her for her time and headed over to see the sites - one of which I absolutly loved.

Earlier in the day, I took advantage of my father being here for two weeks and brought him over to the church that my fiance and I will be married in. The coordinator allowed me to take him into the sanctuary and of course he loved it just as much as I do. I plan on putting my deposit down either the end of this week, or sometime next week depending on when I have the time to make it back out there.

From there we headed over to our 1pm appointment at The Maxwell Room, an historic resturant I wanted to check out for the reception. On the drive over I realized it's only like a 5 - 8 minute drive from the church - perfect! My dad and I loved The Maxwell Room, and the prices were actually pretty reasonable. I took a few (horrible) pictures while I was there, that don't do the place any justice. They were also in the middle of taking down Christmas decorations, so it was a little messy - but that was fine.

Good news - after 4 days and 3 nights my fiance is back from New York. He missed all of yesterdays activities but I was so happy to see him. While he was gone and I was dying of boredom, I took the time to create 3 color story boards one of which I'll choose depending on which venue I end up with - all of them fabulous of course.

09 is rapidly approaching and I'm so excited about the progression that seems to be going on here lol. Deposits will be made to both the church and the wedding within the next few days - HOLY @#%* I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!

Long Weekend: Makeup, Dresses & Christmas

The past couple of days have been hectic to say the least - Christmas Eve trying to get everything together, Christmas Day hosting a dinner for around 25 people and then my fiance leaving the day after to go to New York. I wanted to go to New York with him but months ago I had commited to working on a wedding with Fresh Beauty Studio where I work as an assistant makeup artist.

My day started at 6am, I was out the door by 7am and made it to the wedding location by 8am. Call time was at 8:30 but I like to be early. Along with my boss Nikol and the hairstylist we set up our stations and got to work by 9am. The day went pretty smoothly and very efficiently. There were about 4 bridesmaids, in addition to the mother of the bride and the bride herself who were all done with hair & makeup, and ready for photos ahead of schedule. Everyone looked beautiful and loved the way that they looked.

Here's a photo of my boss Nikol putting the finishing touches on the bride
Nikol creates looks for the most discerning brides who want a fresh/natural look for their wedding day. She also recently did a guest blog on STYLE ME PRETTY where she shares both makeup and skincare tips. I am so honored to be working for her, as she is very good at what she does and very knowledgeable - and she's super duper nice!
I wish I had gotten a better shot at the brides dress - it was so beautuful. It was a ivory lace dress with cap sleeves. There were crystals on the belt of the dress, a straight skirt with a small train and a veil that extended beyond the length of her dress.
While our bride was calm, cool, and collected, I couldn't help but to picture myself at that moment just minutes from walking down the aisle, balling my eyes out with mascara running down my face, lol. I just know that I am going to loose it.
By the way, I brought my mom to my other job (at the bridal shop) and tried on my dress for her - veil and all! She loved it and told me to make sure that I don't change it, lol. She started to get a little teary eyed so I ripped the dress off before the tears came - I couldn't handle it at that moment.
In addition to the bridal shop and the makeup studio, I also freelance on my own doing makeup and wanted to share some edited shots of a recent photoshoot that I worked on.
{the above photos are by moi!}

If you want to read about the adventures of that day you can click here
I hope everyone had a great Holiday Weekend! I'm dying for my fiance to come home, I miss him so much :(

Dreams of My Wedding Planner

Someone please que the stalker music...

I first got in touch with my potential wedding planner Priscilla about Thursday of last week - we had a great conversation and she sent me a questionairre to fill out. She told me she was leaving the next day for Pittsburg for the Holidays and wouldn't return until the day after Christmas - so while most brides receive her proposal within 48 hours, I'd have to wait a whole week. We didn't fill out the form until last night so it was fine, no rush.
{Starting the stalker music}
But strangely enough, for just about every night since talking to her I've had a dream about her (?) and because there is no picture of her on her website, I have no idea what she looks like which has resulted in her looking different every night - strange stuff (lol)! Every morning I wake up to the sound of my fiances alarm with a different image of Priscilla. I'm a very visual person, so if I can't see something in front of me I have no problem imagining it. But the problem is that I have an over active imagination. I don't remember all my dreams but in the one last night she was a short brunette lady wearing a yellow button down blouse with jeans, and a clip board in her hand.
...random I know...
Only a few more days until I'm able to meet her in person! I really don't care what she looks like, but for some reason my imagination does. I wonder what she'll look like in my dream tonight...

The Wedding Planner - TAKE 2

Between going to school full time during the week, working at the bridal shop on weekends, and freelancing doing makeup every chance that I get, it was a no brainer for me to hire a wedding planner. I figured that not only would she save me time, but also money. However, my initial search was a bust (you can read about it here) and I figured I'd do it all myself - I've been engaged since May and nothing has been booked - there's been no progress - I need help.
While searching online I some how came across a wedding coordinator who specialized in budget weddings. I browsed her website and decided to give her a call - we talked for about 20 minutes. She seemed extremly knowleagde and assured me that I could have a quality wedding at any budget and that she had a list of vendors that she could provide me with, who have "special rates" for her clients. She told me about caterers for $21-$26 per person - but of course I don't have access to even the names of these companies unless I become her client. But the best thing about her is her affordability - what she charges for Full Planning Service is the fee for only The Day of Coordination for some planners!
She emailed my fiance and I a questionairre in order to find out exactly what type of event we want and what we expect. She will then send us a proposal (free of charge) to look over and then we can take it from there.
I'm so excited about her, and ready to get things moving for 09! OOOOOOOOWWWWW!

Bridesmaid Files: No March of the Clones For Me!

I have a total of 9 girls!

A matron of honor

A maid of honor

& 7 bridemaids

& of course they aren't all in one place - 4 here in South Florida, 1 in Orlando & 4 in New York

Initially I planned on all of the girls wearing the same dress but the more about it, the more I thought about it didn't seem right. With so many girls, there are various sizes that range from a size 2 to in the 20's. I found a collection of great dresses with styles to compliment the body types of each girl and I think they're going to be pleased.

At this point I'm working on getting the prices for all the dresses so that the girls can have them by the beginning of January. I plan on ordering the dresses in May, so that will give them enough time to put their money together. I'm requesting the measurements from the girls so that I can order the dresses from my job. With so many girls all over the place I want the dresses ordered and being shipped to only one place.
Here is one of styles that I've selected in the color that I plan on ordering:

Christmas Party @ The Bridal Shop

As we do every Holiday or Birthday, my co-workers and I came together to have a little party to celebrate Christmas. Usually we all just bring a few snacks to eat but this year we had a full feast in the back of our little shop after closing:

My manager/friend/bridesmaid brought in the fondue pot that my fiance and I got her for her birthday last year. We all brought in little things to dip in the fondue which manifested into the spread above.

My boss (the owner of the shop) made a pepperoni roll for the first time ever along with dipping sauce that she made herself. May I say, that for her first time making this, it was perfect! It reminded me of being in high school in Long Island, and walking to the nearest Italian spot with my friends to get pepperoni rolls while we waited for the school bus.

The name of the wine that my boss brought in was called "Running with Scissors" - very appropriate for a bridal shop lol. Mine is the taller glass, and if it looks a little funny, it's because mine contains ginger ale, lol - they make fun of me for not drinking, so this was my way of not feeling left out, lol. The seamstress actually thought mine was wine and was so surprised at the way I guzzled it down, but before the end of the night we finally broke it to her that it was soda (which I don't normally drink either)lol. We also had crackers and cheese among other things.

After we stuffed our faces we moved on to our Christmas present display to open gifts. I felt bad after seeing the tree because all I was able to afford were Christmas cards for everyone. I did pick up a huge box of chocolate for everyone to enjoy throughout the week - that was my gift, but I wasn't able to afford individual gifts. I did take the time to write very meaningful messages in the cards that I gave everyone which they all appreciated and gave me big hugs.

We had a fabulous time opening gifts and telling jokes. Everyone loved all the things that they received, but most of all we all realized how blessed we were to have one another:

(me on the far left...it took many trys with the timer to get this pic, lol)

I am truly blessed to have the job that I have, enjoy it, and enjoy the people that I work with. I think the fact that we truly work as a team is what makes the shop so successful. Being open for 17 years, it is known for its great customer service, we hardly advertise because word of mouth is what get's us new customers. I'm so happy that for the past year and a half I've been able to spend my weekends with these people, helping brides prepare for their big day. I couldn't ask for a better place to work (or play sometimes, lol). I LOVE MY JOB & MY CO-WORKERS!

A Martha Stewart Wedding on a Walmart Budget...

Uuummm...am I the last person in the world to find out that Martha Stewart has wedding merchandise that is sold in Walmart? I personally avoid my local Walmart like a plague - not because I have a thing agaisn't bargain shopping (lol) - but because I can't understand why there are 733803 registers, and only two are open at a time (I don't have patience for long lines) & b/c the parking lot is full no matter what time of day it is and I always have to park at the next town over (ok, so I'm exaggerating a bit) and then have to walk miles (more exaggeration) to get to the entrance.

...but anyway I crawled out of what ever rock I've been under today and realized that they carry of line of wedding items from Martha Stewart such as

Paper Bouquets

Cake Toppers


Favor bags

Wedding Albums

& a lot more

for a reasonable price of course

more HERE

(all photos above taken from walmart.com)

Color Controversy?

Are you having trouble finding a color palette for you wedding day? Brides.com has an awesome feature called The Color Studio to solve your dilemma! Check it out here...

Casablanca Couture Sneak Peek...

If you've been keeping up with my blog you know that I am a die hard fan of Casablanca Bridals - it's the top seller at my job and I will be wearing a Casablanca my self on my wedding day. This year while at the trade shows to purchase new gowns for the shop my co-worker/buddy/bridesmaid told me that Casablanca would be introducing their couture collection! Oh my gosh, how could they improve? Unfortunently, none of the couture collection was shown at the bridal market and we couldn't find pictures of them anywhere. Yesterday while in the library at school, I picked up the latest edition of Modern Bride - I found 3 styles from the collection! I took these pics of the pages with my camera so they're not the greatest photos but I think you can still see the beauty...

I can't wait to see the entire collection.
For any bride on a budget, most Casablanca gowns retail for under $1000 - and have amazing detail and fabrics! Their quality is great especially for that price. I'm not too sure how much the Couture collection will retail for - actually I believe that short dress pictured above was somewhere around $1,200...I'll be sticking to the basic collection (lol). I also heard that they were going to do a seperate destination line - the more Casablanca the better!

Flash Photography Fiasco

As I mentioned in a previous post, the church that I am planning to use only allows flash photography during the processional and recessional but not during the Worship Ceremony. This concerned me because video and photography is the one thing that I am going to be spurgling on for this wedding (because it's all I'll have left after all is said and done). I had to make sure that the fact that no flash was going to be used wouldn't jepordize the integrity of my photographs.
I decided to send e-mails to the photo/video companies that I am considering and discuss the matter. As far as I was concerned, if they couldn't work around not being to use flash, then I'd have to find another church.

Both companies responded quickly and assured me that everything would turn out great. As a matter of fact, they both told me that most of the churches that they've shot at doesn't allow flash (and from what I saw in their portfolios it didn't compromise the photos or video at all).
So it's official, my ceremony site is a go and I can't wait to put my deposit down

So I Think I Found My Dress...

(This photo was taken of me a few months ago at my job - a bride to be surrounded by bridal gowns...it gets no better)
There's a particular dress I've been eyeing by Casablanca Bridals for months. I couldn't wait for it to come in the shop so that I could try it on...but as the months passed, no dress. Finally I asked my co-worker/friend/bridesmaid what ever happened to the dress, "We got it in yesterday" she told me - we both smiled at one another and knew it was time for another fashion show. Like eager little children on Christmas day, we jumped out our chairs, ran out the office and off to the racks we went. She made me close my eyes and turn around as she pulled it off the rack and out the bag. She finally told me that I could turn around to see it...it was breathtaking. We quickly ran to the dressing room so that I could try it on. Thankfully it was a size 12, something I can squeeze into (my body is a twelve but I'd have to have to order a 14 to accomodate the DD's and then have it taken in - I knew the top wouldn't zip all the way but that was fine. Sonia helped me to fit it as close as possible - plus I'm good at visualizing and using my imagination - no big deal.
The dress was perfect for me. I loved it and even teared up a little bit. I even tried a veil on with it - I was opposed to wearing a veil before, but at that moment I felt myself wanting one - it completed the look and I couldn't have been happier. I love the dress so much - she's so beautiful - I named her Bella (lol), my boss thinks I'm crazy.
I would love to post a picture of the dress here, but I'm paranoid that someone attending my wedding will see it. I will give you a clue though, it's in the Fall 2008 Collection.
I don't plan on ordering my dress until May or June just because I know my weight will be a lot lower and I don't want to spend tons of money on alterations.
As far as the chapel fiasco, I've emailed the photography companies that I am considering sharing my concerns about not being able to have flash photography during the Worship Ceremony. I want to hear what they have to say before I give the church my money, because if my photography can't work in there I'm moving on. Photography and video will be the only things I have to show for this one day, it has to be perfect.
Have a great weekend everyone...tomorrow I will be spending my day with my head in the books preparing for an entire week of finals - I'm so looking for the Holiday Break!
I leave you with this video THE EVOLUTION OF THE FIRST DANCE - it's all pretty traditional until about the 1:33 mark - this video is hilarious! My boss' friend emailed it to her while she was at work and we all sat around the computer cracking up - enjoy...


So I went to the chapel...

My first impression as I pulled up to the church was "wow this is pretty!". I also realized that it was directly off Las Olas Blvd, which is Fort Lauderdale's most famous street (resturants, shopping, hotels, boat chaters) that my fiance and I spend a lot of time strolling around, and then to the left of the church was a little park situated on the river - a perfect back drop for photos. I found my way to the front desk and spoke to a woman who turned out to be one of the wedding coordinators. She was....nice (I guess), but hardly displayed any kind of emotion - lots of blank stares, but whatever. She handed me the wedding planning packet and then led me to the sanctuary...

(I found this picture on the website for the church)
It was beautiful in there, but it was sooo big! I feel like my guests (of around 80) are gonna be lost in there - but I loved it. I must admit that I felt a little overwhelmed in there - all I heard in my head was "Oh my gosh I'm getting married"...I even walked the marble aisle and envisioned my fiance waiting for me at the alter. (BYO, I ended up going by myself). To be honest, growing up I did always see myself getting married in a church - but with reality and a recession in my face I just wanted to cut costs as many ways as I could. However, after visiting the church yesterday, I'm glad that my fiance brought this up - but let's get to business...
The cost to use the church is $350 (which is what got me interested) - but by the time other fees are added in such as the minister, the wedding coordinator, seminar (which must be completed), a custodian (?), the organist, then my mom said we might as well throw in a soloist - it's gonna cost us around $1000.
Then there are stipulations such as:
- We have to use the churches music (no tape or cd's are allowed) which is why we need the organist and soloist
- No flash photography is allowed at during the Worship Service, it's fine during the processional and recessional though, there's something about using still lighting but I have to ask about that
- No throwing of rice or even rose petals are permitted
- No children under 5 are permitted to be in the wedding party (I was gonna use my niece who would almost be two at that point, so I can't use her, and it's not like she'd be able to throw flowers anyway - so I guess I wouldn't be able to have a flower girl)
Of course I complained about the price tag but my mother mentioned the fact that it's not as if we also have to pay for a reception site since we'll be using our home. The church also provides an area for the wedding party to get dressed and the deposit for the church is only $100 - which I can live with. Also with the church being situated between Las Olas and the park, she pointed out that we'll be able to have a variety of scenery for the pictures without having to drive all over town. The church is probably about a 15-20 minute drive from our house which is also great.
So I guess that's the church I'll be using...I can't really say that I feel like hunting for more - at this point I just want to get started. It's beautiful, located in the most desirable neighborhood in town, and it's close to home. I should be able to put my deposit down after the Holidays, as all my upcomming paychecks will be spent on gifts, and taking advantage of Christmas sales to pick up a few items for the dinner/reception - I've already got my eyes set on some chargers, I'm just waiting for the sale to get under way, lol.

Wedding Update: Going to the Chapel

As I mentioned in a previous post at some point, my fiance is dead set on getting married in a church - he doesn't care about any other aspect of the wedding but he knows that he wants to get married in a church. I don't have anything agaisnt churches, but I was trying to keep everything at one location in an effort to save money. Also churches tend to be so big and we're not having hundreds of people, so I didn't want my ceremony almost looking empty.

Anyway, I've come to realize that we've been engaged since May and have yet to have accomplished anything as far as planning the wedding - no deposits have been made, nothing has been finalized - zero. So I've re-evaluated and have gotten all my thoughts in order and have decided to start with the church. My best the friend (the internet) has helped me on my search to find the perfect church and boy was I in for a shock - the prices of some churches are ridiculous! $1200...$3000....I mean seriously, what would Jesus do? There was one church that I absolutly fell in love with, but there was no price on the website and the offices was closed for the weekend (I hate waiting).

One of my co-workers then told me about a church nearby that her nephew was going to be married in for $500. - sounded like a bargain to me compared to everything else I'd seen. She gave me the name and number of the churches wedding coordinator but she too didn't seem to be available until Monday, so once again I waited. Monday morning I kept trying to call her, but there was some random thing wrong with my phone or hers. Then I tried calling the church that I fell in love with over the internet. I spoke to an employee and she was able to give me a price over the phone - it was even cheaper than the one my co worker had told me about - sweet! I couldn't believe it! Today I will be heading over to the church (with my mom and fiance) to pick up the wedding package from the coordinator and be able to see the church in person, I am so excited.

As far as the reception, there's a 90% chance that we're going to be having it at home which I think is a great idea. At first we were thinking of doing everything in the backyard, but then I came up with the idea having the dinner inside the living/dinning area (we're going to take all the furniture out and bring in round tables along with gold chivari chairs) and then in the backyard we're going to set out like a lounge area and that's where we'll dance and party the night away. I have the whole visual in my head I just have to bring it to life - but more on that later.

I'll be back later to document my experience at the church...

Moving back to "The City"

Are you ladies fans of the MTV show "The Hills?"

I'm not gonna lie, if nothing else is on I'll watch it, but I'm not a die hard fan as some of my friends are - I'm terrible at keeping up with television shows! I don't watch it for the drama it is known for, but instead I tune in for all the cool fashion things that Lauren and Whitney are apart of. As a fashion student myself, it's what I live for! My favorite character is Whitney because she's always so poised, well spoken and extremly fashionable - I almost died when I heard the rumors that she was getting her own spinoff show about moving to New York and working for Diane Von Furstenberg (any fashion student would die for that job)...and of course I'm sure there's going to be some drama in there, but I just wanna see the shoes, lol. As a surfed the internet today, I came across the trailer for Whitney's upcomming show called "The City"...and I died...

....but anyway, this post is about the big move that I might be making after I tie the knot - I might be moving back to New York. I moved to South Florida a few years ago with my mom after her and my dad were seperated - I kind of wanted to be in a new enviornment and basically I can't live without my mommy, lol. I met my fiance in April of that year and then moved down to Florida in July, in November of that same year we started a long distance relationship and after a year of torture he left his life behind in New York to move down and be with little old me. Once being down here it was hard for him to come to terms with his paycheck. Although he works for the same company with pretty much the same job description, his paycheck doesn't come close to what it was in New York. Once in a while he'll bring up the fact that we should move back, I would always say "maybe when I finish school" - but boy does time fly - I'll be done with school Sept 09, and we're planning the wedding for Nov 09, so now he wants to go pretty much right after the wedding. His reason is that he feels that financially he can be a better provider in New York - and to top it off, his former boss is waiting for him with open arms to give him his position back. But I don't know...I've been spoiled with the sunshine and am not sure if I'm ready for the snow again.

In our debates on whether or not we should move back, he points out the fact that I will have a degree in fashion and that there's no better place to put it to use than in New York - I guess he has me there, lol. Also, all my friends (who I miss to pieces) are back in New York as well as my daddy, big sister, niece, and a new niece or nephew which is on the way - I could pretty much pick back up from where I left off...but I'm so comfortable here. I like the little life that we have built together down here, we might not have much as we did in NY but we have each other, and that's all I need - but at the same time I understand that as a man he might feel as though he's not doing enough.

Is anyone else making a big move after tying the knot? Whether moving in together, to another town, another state or purchasing to home together?

Photoshoot: A Fun Day In The M.I.A

Monday night while we were in class, a classmate/new buddy of mine began telling me about a photoshoot that she was doing today (Thursday). I began giving her a few tips about how makeup for HD camera is different than our everyday makeup (because she was planning on doing it herself) and the next thing I knew, she asked me to do the makeup...so last minute, but I said yes.

I got up at 6am - got myself dressed - woke my little sister up, got her dressed and gave her breakfast - got her off to school and hopped on the I95. I made it to the location by 8:30am right on schedule...I so nervous because I had to parallel park, and I seriously haven't parallel parked since moving from New York 4 years ago (lol) - there's just no reason to parallel park where I currently live unless I go to the beach (and I usually don't drive...because I don't want to be the one who has to clean the sand out my car, lol) but anyway - myself, my classmate (the stylist), model and photographer all hung out for a little while and got to know each other before getting to work. I couldn't have worked with a better group of people - we were all so different yet the same - I knew the shoot was going to be fabulous...

(me, applying airbrush makeup to the model...good stuff)

We started at around 11am and finished around 2pm - a very short shoot which I loved - we got straight to the point and cut out the fluff. My feet hurt from walking all over Miami, but it was so worth it and I can't wait to get the final pics back from the photographer Eva Gazova who was absolutly AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING!!! I can't rave about her enough...

(check Eva out at her website, thesquirreleva.com)

Here is one picture I took with my own camera...

We all did a great job with our individual tasks, but collectively we made a great team and I believe I made some new friends today.

I truly love the art of makeup - I have a great time doing it and I get to meet great people...but now I'm super tired and I'm going to bed, hope your day was as great as mine...ZZzzzzzzz

Tears Before Class

So...I've been sharing my "weight issues" with a you all for a little while now - I've somehow morped into an unrecognizable form in the past few months and I realize it's time to take care of it...

On Tuesdays, I have class from 1-5 - that's one class with only a half an hour break. It's pretty much impossible for me in a half an hour to go to the restroom, and find time to go downstairs to the lunchroom, stand on a long line and make it back to class on time - and in addition to that pay for overpriced food. So my solution has been to eat a larger lunch, that way I can stay full until I get back home for dinner at around 6 or 7 - I don't do this everyday, just on Tuesdays because of my schedule.

One of my uncles is here visiting from Jamaica, and my aunt was here at the house waiting for him so that she could take him out. As I took my plate out of the mircowave my aunt walks in the kitchen and proceeds to rip my heart out:

"Why are you eating so much?"
"Look how much weight you've put on!"
"I can't believe you look like this!"...
...on and on and on

I tried to ignore her and explain my logic but I couldn't even get a word in - finally I snapped back and told her that I'm stressed out and if she wants me to loose weight then she needs to find a way to eliminate all the stress out my life - then she starts asking me what I'm stressed about and continues going on and on (I had no idea what she was saying at this point but I was furious and trying my hardest not to be rude to her)

Finally I couldn't handle it anymore, so I threw the plate down and went into my room to gather my things to leave for school. I slammed the door shut, put a lock on it and found myself crying as I brushed my teeth in the bathroom. I heard knocks on my door and my aunts voice asking me to let her in. I didn't want her to see me crying so I tried to wipe my face and distract myself by packing up my bag after finally letting her in. She started apoligizing - I started getting my stuff so that I could get the hell away from her. She realized I wasn't listening to her, and then hugged me to make sure I couldn't go anywhere. She started apoligizing over and over, she told me that she was sorry for embarressing me (in addition to my uncle being a witness, so was my mothers friend who was also at the house at the time), she told me that was concerned and only wanted to best for me, and some other stuff but I just wasn't listening at all. I finally looked at her and she was crying (didn't move me a bit). She tried to give me $20 to buy something to eat once I got to school because I was leaving without a meal - she kept apoligizing and I just wanted her to let me go. Finally I lied and said I was going to be late for class (I was gonna be an hour early, I just wanted to get the hell out the house). With my head down so that no one could see my tears, I said bye to my uncle and my moms friend and got the hell out of dodge, as my aunt slipped the $20 I refused to take from her in my bag.

With my tires screeching out of the driveway and the tears still flowing, I called my fiance. He was furious! This wasn't the first, second or third time that she had commented on my weight - actually it got to a point where my mother stepped in and told her that she needed to stop. She hasn't said anything since then, but yesterday she went on a full on attack and being so fragile at that moment by all the other things going on I finally just broke down. I am not a cryer, so for her to see me cry was a really big deal and I guess she did feel really bad.

But as I was trying to explain to her people handle stress in different ways: some loose weight, some gain weight, some people lash out at others, so people cry etc. I just so happen to be one of the people who pack on the pounds when elements of my life are out of order. I don't feel as though some one needs to throw it in my face or make a comment - I do have a mirror and I can see it myself. Although my weight is an issue at this moment, it's not the most important thing to me and I do have other things going on for myself besides the way I look - I'm intelligent, I'm creative, I have a man who loves me (at any size), and other family members who look out for me.

There is no doubt in my mind that I will be a healthier weight by the time my wedding day rolls around. I'm willing to put in the time and effort - but I'm going to do it on MY time, not someone elses.

Pretty Things In The Window

This past weekend my fiance and I had a fabulous date night (a romantic dinner, a stroll (to burn off that the calories we ate) and then finally met up with some friends and family (other couples) for a 12:55am movie - Twilight). During our over stuffed stroll down Las Olas Blvd, my eye was immediately caught by a fabulous display window:
There was a picture frame which contained the names of all the vendors who created this window, and of course I forgot all of them except the cake maker Ana Paz (the premier cake designer) - only because her cake package was offered with a menu at one of the venues we're thinking of using.

I had my face and hands plastered on the window wondering if I could fit it all my purse and take it home. The look is so romantic and glamorous!
Hope these pics may have inspired someone


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