Good news | My car has finally made it's way to me from New York
Bad News | As my car had been parked on a street in Brooklyn for the past
couple of months, someone felt the need to steal my registration sticker off
my license plate...so I still can't drive it until that is taken care of...with
my job schedule, I don't know when that will be.
In any event, last night my cousin was nice enough to pick me up from work and as we were on the drive home with her husband in the car we somehow got on the topic of babies. We're just about the same age and have been married for around the same amount of time. She seems to be ready to get the motherhood train going, while I am stuck in limbo and haven't been giving it much thought at this point. Yes, one of my ultimate goals is to be a mother, however it's not top priority right this second. I've been married just about 6 months, and would like to atleast wait until after our 1st anniversary before we get into a heavy discussion about it.
I asked my cousin what she thinks of when she thinks of motherhood, her list went as follows:
- Being in awe of a body growing inside of her
- Singing to her child
- Teaching her child The Word
- Watching her child wake up everyday
As for me who had my little sister come into the world when I was 13, and have aided in raising her, my list went as follows:
- An epidural needle being injected into my spine
- The thought and image of a human being coming out of my vagina
- The expen$$$$$$$$e
- Not sleeping a night
- Making sure my child develops properly
- Hoping they're well adjusted when they start school
- The tween phase (where my sister is now)...thinking they're a little bit more grown than they really are
- Teenage years...and the rebellion that comes with it...not realy knowing what they're up to...and trust me no matter how much a parent thinks they know about their kid at this point...they have no idea...unless they read their diary or something like that...
- Once they become adults...will they be a positive contributor to society?
- ...and my list goes on from there
- My number 1 reason is that I'm terrified of having a miscarriage...I repeat, terrified!
Once I was done reciting my list my cousin said that in 1 minute I had managed to completly distort her picture perfect imagery that she had in her head, lol. I didn't mean to - I promise...her husband thought it was hilarious. Yes, I'm over analytical! I know! I have a problem, but because my mother is a single parent and my sister is growing up faster than I'd like to admit - these are really all the things that flood my mind. I know it doesn't seem like it, but motherhood is something that I am really looking forward to whenever God thinks I'm ready. I just need to mentally prepare myself because my thoughts are getting the best of me. However, I know that I'm going to have to get over it, because according to my husbands secret plan (that is not so secret), I will more than likely be pregnant by this time next year.