I can't believe it's already been 2 weeks since everything happened. Last weekend the medical examiners office called to see if I'd started making funeral arrangements for Jolie, and since I wasn't going to start the process without my husband, we had to wait until yesterday when he was off work to make our way over to the Funeral Home. My sister had done all the research and contact for us and also accompanied us to the home yesterday. My husband was contemplating on whether or not to even take me because I've been randomly loosing it without warning. My sister said it would only be paper work - so I made the decision to go.
The process was quick and easy. The Funeral Home Director was so nice to us- he didn't even charge us a fee since Jolie is just a baby. We do however, have to pay a fee to the crematory and will have to pay for her urn when we finally pick her up. The catalog had a section for infants and children - we choose a little pink box made from bronze, that will have her name and birthday inscribed and we choose a baby girl angel to go on the box as well. Between them picking up Jolie, having the cremation done and getting the urn - we should have her home with us in a week and a half to two weeks.
Shockingly I didn't cry...I almost did because my husband kept repeating, "I never thought I'd have to do this for any of my children". I had to stay strong for him, because he's the one that picks me up when it all becomes too much, so I have to do the same for him.
We'd made plans to meet up with B (my best friend since 5th grade) for lunch afterwards to keep our spirits up and brought my sister along since her girls were out with my dad. Despite how much we ate, we had to stop at our favorite ice-cream place afterwards to satisfy our sweet tooth. Usually I'm very boring with my ice cream - vanilla or cookie and cream only but my sister yelled out that they had a Red Velvet Cake flavor. After a sample, I had to have it!
After ice cream we were convinced to stop by another best friends house. There, another friend (and co-worker) came by to surprise us with a card. I figured everyone at work signed it - and they did - but once I opened it, I was shocked to see it was full of money. Of course I lost it and started crying - I couldn't believe it - I wasn't expecting that at all. We'll be using the money towards buying our daughters urn and the rest will going in a savings account that we started for Jolie, which will now go towards our future children.
I am so overwhelmed by the amount of love and support that we've been getting over the past 2 weeks. I always knew I had good people around me, but everyone had gone above and beyond in ways that I've never expected, to help us get through loosing our child. As much as it hurts not to have my daughter here, she's been showing me so much and teaching me so many lessons about life and all the people in it.
There are moments when I cry and try to figure out what I've done in life to deserve all that has happened - but then there are moments like those when I'm shown how blessed I really am and how much I still have to be thankful for.