what's next?


You were born with potential
You were born with goodness and trust
You were born with ideals and dreams
You were born with greatness
You were born with wings
You are not meant for crawling, so don't.
You have wings
Learn to use them, and fly.
~ Rumi

photo via tumblr

I was in a very negative space last night and into this morning. For the first time in my life, I have no idea what's next or even have an idea of what I want to do with my life. I seem to have run out of ideas and may have lost passion. I've never been this person. I'm known to be driven and always on the move  - now I feel lost. In the past two years or so especially, I've been trying to figure out what my gift is, and what my purpose in life is. When I got pregnant, I felt as though God was giving me purpose and I began planning everything around Jolie, but now that she's gone, I'm even more confused than I was before.

I prayed. I cried. I prayed some more.

Yesterday also made it 3 weeks. I couldn't help but to wonder how things would be different had things not gone so wrong. I wondered how big my tummy would be...I tried to remember the feeling of Jolie's movements when I was carrying her...

I'd planned my life so much around bringing a child into this world in October and making all sorts of preparations in the meantime, that I hadn't really thought about anything else - so now that it's not happening anymore, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing...I can't come up with anything.

I can't even think past today.

I pray that I will find clarity as time goes on.

3 comments :

Alexia @ Dimple Snatcher said...

Oh my God. I can't believe I missed this! Of course my prayers are with you and your family <3

I BLEED PINK said...

I can't imagine how your feeling at this moment, but just from getting to know you through your blog I know you are a strong, capable and determine person. You guys will get through this on top and nothing but good things will come into your future!

Sending you my love and prayers.

JIN @ The BrownBerry said...

thanks alexia

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