a celebration for Jolie.

Yesterday (Oct 24,11) was supposed to be my due date. I used to wonder how I feel on that date, never anticipating the unfortunate event that would have occurred. After Jolie's brief time on Earth, I still wondered how I would feel on this date. Granted, babies don't usually arrive on their exact due date, but the days leading up were emotional nonetheless.I kept trying to figure out what I was going to do when Oct 24th rolled around - I knew I didn't want to go to work (my therapist agreed) but I didn't want to sit at home crying all day either. Last minute my husband decided we should head down to Florida - perfect! My mom organized a little get together for our family to come over and have a little celebration for Jolie. Before the night was over, we wrote messages on pink balloons that I had gotten for and then released them into the sky. Everyone got to say that they wanted to Jolie since they weren't able to meet her. It was definitely an emotional moment - I was able to keep it together until I saw my little sister crying. Releasing those balloons were symbolic of what my pastor told me earlier that day, that as much as it hurts, eventually I have to let go. As much as I don't quite know how and as much as I feel guilty about "letting go", I know that I have to in order to be a good mom to my future children. She'll always be my first born, and her brothers and/or sisters will know her when they're able to understand but I can't carry around this sadness and anger forever. That being said, there's no template on grieving and I will continue to take it day by day. May my little girl rest in peace.
ps: thanks for the pictures Kimi

11 comments :

kimvan said...

ahhh girl {{hugs}}

JIN @ Love,Loss + Lacquer said...

thanks ((hugs back)) :)

Sn3akrFr3akr said...

I love you! I'm here any time you need me - no matter what hour of the day. The pictures captured Jolie's aura, and I'm glad I could contribute. Can't wait to see you guys again!

JIN @ Love,Loss + Lacquer said...

love u too cuz - thanks for being there

De Su Mama said...

You are gorgeous, Jin and I think of you often these days. So happy that you have such an amazing support network. I hope you don't mind my sharing your blog on my post today... it was fitting and necessary. Con mucho amor, Ness

A. said...

October 24th was my 30th b'day.. How special it would have been to share that day with your little sweetie. Looks like you have a beautiful celebration of her life. I'm sending you all some special thoughts this week. *hugs*

JIN @ Love,Loss + Lacquer said...

@DE SU MAMA: Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. I appreciate that more than you know

@A: Thank you so much :)

L. Michelle said...

Your strength is amazing. I don't comment much, but I've been following you for quite some time. As the days go by, it will get easier. I am praying fervently for you.

Brown English Muffin said...

What a beautiful get together!

Mo said...

I discovered your blog a few months ago and have been stopping by from time to time to check in and see how you are doing. Today, I have to comment. This is such a beautiful post. I read your words and felt your family's love and support. I hope it provided you some comfort; and your husband sounds so fantastic. You are in my thoughts and prayers. P.S. Your family reminds of my big fat Yardie family who jus love mi and support mi everyday!

JIN @ Love,Loss + Lacquer said...

thanks Mo! much respect!

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