When A Black Girl Goes To Therapy (Part 2)

I ate @ Panera Bread for the first time this past Saturday after my session
I've attended a few sessions now since being recommended to attend therapy...that makes me sound like a crazy person when I read that...anyway...I took the liberty of recommending a few people in my life to now attend therapy as well. For example, my best friend who had a melt down when I broke the news to her that J.Cole has a girlfriend - my husband who is addicted to Call of Duty...and the new CEO of my job and everyone that he's brought on should go as well, since they decided to lay me off. So I haven't told the boss to his face...but I think it every time I see him...maybe I'll do it on the last day of working...or maybe since I don't drink, I'll pretend to be drunk at the Christmas party, get on the mic and then tell him then - and then drop the mic and walk away when I'm done (extra dramatic)!!! Nah...I probably won't...

The biggest lesson that I've learned is that therapy is not going to fix you. Yes it's nice to have someone to talk to who is removed from your situation and they may even assist in guiding you - but you have to do the work. I was so far gone when I initially met this lady, I literally thought she was just going to tell me what to do and make everything better. In my mind, she was going to wave her magic wand and my pain would go away...

(sidebar)...before I go on, let's discuss why my husband should be going to a therapy because he's playing this game right now and I'm ready to break it. If your man is into video games, chances are he recently purchased Call Of Duty MW3. This game is literally the demise of (possibly) millions of relationships across the globe - it's an epidemic! Every male I know is addicted to this game - just purchased the latest one and is driving their spouses up a wall. Much to my dismay, this guy (the husband) walks into the house with a huge headset thing the other day - not for djing (which is his hobby) - but I find out it's so he can hook it up to the game and talk to other players all over the world or some crap so they could play together. Now I have to deal with him talking to these random people all the time (sigh). He needs therapy for an addition and I need therapy because we only have one tv and he's always hogging it with this game...

(and we're back...) It's been just over 4 months since everything has happened and I'm doing much better. My therapist even commented on me looking "less tense" when I saw her. Funny enough, my co-workers have been telling me that I look more refreshed and happy. I'm still grieving but I don't think I'm carrying around that self-pity and anger anymore, largely in part to the balloon release and a segment I saw on Oprah's Lifeclass where a mom experienced neonatal death as well. Listening to her speak, I finally felt like someone understood exactly how I felt...and the way that Gary Zukav explained "the soul" cut through me like a knife. I had a real "aha" moment - I'll never forget it. I know for a fact that episode saved my life.

Everyday is a process, but I've created a new normal.

While I've been doing extremely well over the past few weeks, I've been feeling myself getting a little emotional lately with The Holidays coming up. I thought Jolie would be here for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. I was looking forward to getting her, her first Christmas dress and have a tree filled with toys for her. I really thought we would be celebrating as a family of 3 this year. But I am utterly grateful for the time I was able to carry her, hold her hand after she was born, watch her daddy give her a kiss, and spend a little time with her.

Who knows things may be different this time next year.

Instead of me attending sessions once per month, we've decided on every other month for now. I'm going to get through the rest of 2011 and then go back in January. Things change so much day to day, I'm curious to see where I'll be in January...

...and as always, thanks for your support :)

Unfortunately, you may know someone who is going 
through a similar situation, here are just a few helpful resources





5 comments :

I BLEED PINK said...

Its good to know your slowly working through all of this. I know therapy really helped with my anxiety issues, I can say I am no where near being fix, cured or even having a break through, but I have a guideline to help and that has made a HUGE difference!!

JIN @ Love,Loss + Lacquer said...

Thanks for the support Erica, it's comforting to know that I'm not alone

Miss Esspi ♡ said...

You're brave for even going in the first place. I actually want to get therapy as well, but I don't know how to go about it & I'm shy anyway. But I sincerely admire your courage and strength through this all. I can't even, and don't want to, imagine. Losing a loved one is not easy and I'm no stranger to that feeling, so I can at least relate in that aspect.

I wish your family a very happy holiday & that you all get through this with God's strength & blessings ♥

Brown English Muffin said...

I remember when I went to therapy I thought the same thing...they he'd tell us what to do and we'd go home and do it...DONE! LOL

Toya said...

I am very happy you are sharing your experiences with therapy, it helps others to see that therapy can be a good thing and it takes away the stigma that Black people don't go to therapy.

I also love that you mention that therapy isn't a cure all that the work must be done by the person seeking therapy. So many people come expecting you to wave a wand and when that doesn't happen they lose faith in the process.

I continue to pray for you and as long as you do the work, I know with God's help you will be okay.

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