pain brings alchemy.


going for an evening walk @ the beach.
Exercise has become a new way for me to deal with stress. I've never been one to enjoy exercise, so this is a strange thing...maybe even proof that I've officially lost my mind. Working out gives me something to focus on, and once I'm done, I feel amazing. My first Zumba class yesterday was so much fun - I think I'm hooked. I've even made a new friend at the gym (yay)! The only bad thing, is that sometimes I don't want to leave the gym because I know that once I leave my mind is going to start traveling all over the place & start playing tricks on me.


Before leaving the hospital, the nurses gave me a list of support groups that I could check out - I did want to go but I never did - however, I've recently realized that it may be a good idea. I've also contacted my moms pastor (who I love) to guide me through this process. I'm doing ok for the most part, but some days are really bad. I can't even put into words what those days feel like but what I can say, is that those days make me realize that I do need help.


Since I can't stay in the gym all day, everyday - I'm on the quest to finding other things I can do to occupy my mind. I was thinking of going to the craft store this weekend to buy some canvas and paint, but we're about to get hit by Hurricane Irene, so I may have to put that off, lol. First an earthquake on Tuesday and now this - Mother Nature is not playing this week - I can only imagine what winter will be like :(




a moment with my fro: SHEA MOISTURE


Shea Moisture products have literally saved me from resorting back to a relaxer. As many naturalista's know, this can be a frustrating process, especially when you're still in the stages of learning about your hair. I'd see products working magic in some girls hair and be a complete flop with mine! During a Target run, I checked out the natural hair section (sometimes I'm still in shock that there's such a section) and decided to test out Shea Moisture. I couldn't believe the price for the size of the containers - you know companies are famous for trying to stick naturals for our entire paycheck for one product. I have to say, I've been hooked since taking a chance on these products! The quality for the price is out of this world. Never have I used a product that has made my hair so soft and manageable.

The Curl Enhancing Smoothie is my absolute favorite, doing exactly what it promised! This product gives my curls LIFE dddahhhhlings! I haven't used another product that has given me this much bounce curl and shine. The Hold & Shine spray has been essential this summer, making sure that my curls don't turn into a hot mess despite this nasty New York humidity.


PS: There was definitely an earthquake in New York today - a 5.9! Uuummmm...for a second I thought, "yup, the world is coming to an end RIGHT NOW!!!!". I haven't been in an earthquake since I was in the 1st grade back in Jamaica - and I'm freaked out because this isn't a usual occurrence in NY - well not quakes that we actually feel anyway. Our planet is in trouble. Where's Captain Planet when you need him?

day trip to The Jersey Shore...






















thank God I had gotten that pedicure right?


This past Saturday my girls and I ventured to the Jersey Shore for the day to get a change of scenery and escape New York for a bit. They are all obsessed with the show "Jersey Shore" while I've only watched about two minutes of the first episode from the first season. I'm positive it started to make my brain melt - haven't watched it since. This is my first big outing since everything happened - it was so much fun to walk around The Shore and pretend to be in junior high again. We ate, went on rides, laughed, hung out on the beach, saw a physic (very interesting by the way), some of the girls got hennas, passed by the house where they film the show for MTV (security told us to keep it moving) and then had a party in the car ride back home.



stone street


On Friday night my bestfriend and I ventured to the city to visit her sister who has recently moved into a new place. Along with their cousin in tow, she took us down to Stone Street in the financial district for dinner at an Italian resturant. A cobble stone street with all outdoor dining (in the middle of the street), we started to forget that we were in New York as opposed to being somewhere in Europe.There was a cool breeze to keep the summer heat at bay and the food was amazing, although regretably, I can't remember which resturant we ate at.

I love to discover new places.

Sally Hansen Salon Effects

I'm so excited to have finally gotten my hands on the Sally Hansen Salon Effects!

For a girl like myself who is "challenged" at painting her own nails, this is truly a gift! They come in all sorts of funky prints and colors - I really wanted the cheetah print (since I'm going to the Jersey Shore with my girls tomorrow, lol) but since there weren't any in stock, I grabbed the pink glitter. It was pretty easy to do - didn't take much time and supposedly lasts for about 10 days.


I love the way it turned out!

NAIL(ING) IT!



My sisters mouth fell wide open last week when she asked me when was the last time I got a mani and pedi - my honest response was, "my wedding day". By the way, that was back in November of 2009 - yes, I'm that bad at taking care of and treating myself. During a beauty supply run, we learned that a spa had recently opened upstairs. As good marketing and promotion would have it, there's a monitor at cash register which flashes photos of the spa - beautiful photos. Of course my sister and I found ourselves up there out of curiosity (just to check prices...well that's what we told ourselves). Once we got off the elevator and saw how beautiful the place was, it was inevitable that we'd have something done. We checked out the brochures - I decided to have my (dehydrated) feet done as well as my (bushy) eyebrows.

My pedicure turned out great, however I thought it was a little pricey (at $19) for what it really was - just a manicure. In the future, I'll have it done again if it's included in a package or if I get one of the specialty spa pedicures (such as the ones infused with blueberry, sea kelp or green tea). The young lady did a great job but regrettably, I don't remember the name of the OPI nail polish that I choose (but I love it).

I'm more than pleased with my eyebrows! Everywhere else I've ever gone has always made them way too thin for my liking. I'll be returning regularly for eyebrow maintenance.

The best part about my experience at the spa was the free massage that I received as my toes dried (tips are welcomed to the massause of course). I wanted to ask her if she could follow me around forever - I didn't want it to end.

My sister enjoyed her manicure - she got the Shellac nail polish which supposedly doesn't chip and lasts for 2 weeks...we'll see.

Overall, we were pleased which the service and the amount of the attention to detail provided by the staff. The spa was spotless and as a former student of skincare school I made sure to observe the level of cleaniness (I observed a nail tech meticulously cleaning down her station after a client had left...that gave me a good piece of mind). We filled out information for a membership card that we received a short time later which offers a reward program to customer.

I'm looking forward to returning for eyebrow maintanence and am eyeing their Acne Facial which I'm in desperate need of.

one month later.


I know that the present is a gift, but some days are downright unbearable - yesterday started out as one of those days. I returned to work on Monday - everyone welcomed me back - I did pretty good except for a short crying episode in the restroom during the last hour of work which I was able to quickly recover from.

I was feeling ok as I drove into work yesterday morning. I spoke to my mom on the phone and since I got to work a little early, I picked up a book I've been reading over the past couple days. All of a sudden a rush of grief came over me and I just started balling. I knew I had to pick up Jolie's urn after work,so perhaps that made me extra emotional. I feel as though she knew I would be picking her up that day, because as I cried, plastered in my mind was the image of her when she was first born - I could see her as if she was right in front of me. Everything was so clear - down to her fingernails. I cried for about 15 minutes unable to get out the car. I called my husband who managed to calm me down for the most part. I wiped my tears away and started to walk in the building.

As soon as I got in one of my friends said hi to me and I just collapsed in her arms and started crying. She took me to the bathroom where I was held up for about half an hour - I just couldn't stop crying. I haven't cried that much since I was in the hospital and usually I've been able to regroup pretty quickly - not yesterday. Nothing was calming me down, I just couldn't get myself back together. Finally one of the girls got one of our managers to come in and speak to me because they felt I wasn't ready to come back to work - she agreed. She spoke to HR, who told her to have me take the rest of the week off and then call on Friday to let them know if I needed more time. I couldn't even drive. Luckily my dad lives nearby, and was able to pick me up a few minutes after I called him.

I ended up passing out on my dads couch and woke up with a really bad headache. A few hours later my best friend picked me up to drive me to the funeral home to pick up Jolie's urn. Her urn is a little copper box (now pink) that has her name and birthday inscribed, as well as a picture of a baby girl angel. I cried for a bit as we drove away.
My best friend then drove us out to our hometowns look out area to calm my mind for a bit. She also took me to Five Guys for the first time - which had the most delicious burger I've ever eaten - and I don't eat burgers, lol. She kept a smile on my face the whole time, I laughed so hard - she's been my bestfrind since I was 10 years old.

I made it home with Jolie's urn later in the evening and put it on a spot on her very own shelf that we've left open for her since we decided to get her creamated. Now she's home with us among our wedding picture and I feel like my little family is all together. Strangely enough, my mind seems to be more at ease now that she's home.

Yesterday was such an emotional day and I can't believe it marked a month since Jolie's birth.

I'm sure as time goes on I'll be able to better cope.

...now I'm home till Friday...

time waits for no one.

getting a pedicure a few days ago.my first since my november 09 wedding day

Today makes it a month since Jolie was born and passed away

Today is also the day that I'll be picking up her ashes in her little urn that we picked out for her

Yesterday was my first day back at work. I was nervous. I did pretty good for the most part. But I did go to the bathroom to cry during the last hour...I managed to pull it together though to finish the day.

Tomorrow I will start a light workout at the gym.

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