Things That Happened + Things I Realized

This Happened
I bought a Chocolate Peanut Butter Cupcake

I Realized This
I didn't need that cupcake. I wasn't even hungry.
I was being greedy. To top it off, I didn't even like the cupcake. Serves me right.

It also made me realize that I need to start working out again.
Please pray for me, as I'm ordering P90X this week. I refuse to look like this on my 25th birthday!
. . .

This Happened
My period decided to show up again, although I've been trying to get knocked up

I Realized This
Uuuummmm...I should not be trying to have another baby right now.

What was I thinking?

I'd always been very vocal about the fact that I didn't want to bring a child into this world until I
had a career, stacked my bank account to a comfortable number, traveled some more, owned my
own home, and some other stuff - none of which I have accomplished as yet...so why was I trying to
get pregnant? To fill the void of loosing Jolie? When God surprised me with her, I was very happy yet very
worried about what type of life I would be able to provide for her. There are a lot of things that are
up in the air right now, and adding a child would only further complicate things.

I will enter motherhood again when the time is right...that time is not right now.

For Christ sake, I'm only 24 years old - there's no rush.

After all, although my daughter is no longer here in a physical
sense, she's still my child...and I am still her mother
. . .

This Happened
Unexpectedly, Jolie's insurance card was in the mail when I got home Saturday night

I Realized This
I'm lucky to personally know one of my Guardian Angels

Take Care,
Jin


4 comments :

Kimani Fisher said...

Why are we always going through the same realizations? I think I have this unrealistic goal set in my head to do what my mother's done; have a child at 25. But she was also married, and in a different space in life. I am not ready. Maybe mentally and physically, but not financially and practically. Patience is a virtue...

JIN @ Love,Loss + Lacquer said...

EXACTLY! I was very excited about Jolie, but obviously it wasn't the right time - in a way, it seems as though God has given me a second chance...even though I miss her like crazy :/

Authentically U said...

I know that Jolie is looking down, watching over you just as you stated, a guardian angel. And your right, God's timing is best. I keep telling myself that as well as I approach my 32nd birthday coming to a realization that the fertility exercises are not working for me and my husband. Then I lost my job, so I lost my insurance, so no more fertility treatments. Being a stepmom to a toddler doesn't help either. But I digress. You are one of the strongest women I know to have endured your journey of loss. I can't imagine how hard that must be for you. But in the midst of your pain, you just blogged a word of encouragement that helped my own situation. Bless you Jin! I pray for your continued restoration...... Speaking of cupcakes, are you still in the business?

JIN @ Love,Loss + Lacquer said...

Thanks Tameka - sadly I haven't been doing the cupcakes. I started off strong but once I got pregnant my fatigue was horrible so I got lazy about it, and since the baby was born - well, you know...plus my oven is on the fritz. I do want to get back into it eventually though. I do miss baking.

As far as the fertility issues...keep positive. Pray. It will happen :)

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