If Jolie Were Here

Today is one of those days. Those days when you beat yourself up and torture yourself to no end. I'm going through a stage when I keep wondering how my life would be different if Jolie were still here. What if she was able to pull through? What if she never came prematurely? What if I just had a normal pregnancy? What would she be doing? What kind of mom would I be?

When I was pregnant I started following tons of blogs of fellow pregnant women - I'm the only one with no baby. One blogger and I were both pregnant with a girls and we shared the same exact due date. Her little girl is now a healthy 4 months old. Mine is dead.

Once in a while someone will ask when I'm going to try for another baby, but I can't say I'm in that space right now. At this point, I don't want to have another baby, I want Jolie back. I want to go back time and fix everything...but life doesn't work that way, does it? I am doing my best. I'm getting better at coping - but some days are too much. Some days I'm sad. Other days I feel lonely. Today I'm angry.

...it's just one of those days...

8 comments :

Kimani Fisher said...

I'm off today - unexpectedly. Wanna go somewhere?

JIN @ Love,Loss + Lacquer said...

Beach

Ro said...

..I can only say what's on my heart. Be angry, grieve your Jolie. I'm praying for you Jin. *hugz*

JIN @ Love,Loss + Lacquer said...

((hugs)) thanks for the support Ro

Pendo said...

its ok to be angry (((((((((((HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSS))))))))))))

Aurélie Mukendi said...

Praying for you and for God to just hold your heart and make it all better. xxx hugssss from the UK xoxo

JIN @ Love,Loss + Lacquer said...

i appreciate that, thank you so much

IrieDiva said...

:( *hugs* i have been there...

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