...uuuhhh there's really a baby in there

Since finding out about this new baby, I've been so focused on passing Week 23. As that week came closer and closer, I kept trying to figure out how I even dealt with all the chaos surrounding Jolie's birth. Sometimes we don't realize how strong we are, and even long after it's over, you look back still trying to comprehend how you did it. Yes I'm getting the injections every week, but I still worry about the baby coming too early. At 23 Weeks, Jolie only had a 10-30% chance of surviving so passing that point has been a major mental milestone for me. Just getting to the 24th week means a 40-70% survival rate...but I'll be damned if this kid thinks he's making his grand entrance any time soon. 

...so now that Week 23 has passed, I needed a new goal to focus on. Uuuuhhh. how about the fact that Grey is actually showing up in just a few short months???? Oh shoot !!! I'd been so focused on nothing but Week 23 that I didn't realize how fast this whole thing was going. The third trimester is staring me in the face! What's going on around here? When did this happen? 

I was sitting in the bed one day, and when I looked to the left and realized that there would be crib against that wall soon, with an actual baby in it...I may have had a small panic attack. Ok I freaked out! Of course I want this baby and want nothing more in the world than to be a mother, but I've never been on the other side of pregnancy. I know what labor and delivering feels like...but to actually bring a baby home...I don't know what that part feels like. I have lots of experience with my little sister, my nieces and everybody else's kids...but as any mother knows, it's different when the child belongs to YOU and YOU are responsible for their every need until they become of age. And even after that, you're still mother. I'm up for the challenge but to know that I'll be given the opportunity sooner rather than later, I got a little overwhelmed. 

It seems that worrying is a natural thing for any new mother. You want to be the best parents possible and raise amazing humans that go off into the world with something to contribute. You don't want them to hurt, you don't want them to miss out on opportunities, you want to be able to provide and give them a better life than you've ever had...simply, you just want to do a good job. I can't be the only to ever feel that way.

In addition to the normal fears of becoming a parent, the Husband and I are trying to spend as much alone time as we can - though that's next to impossible with him working 12-15 hour days, 6 days a week. I'm glad we at least got to go to Naples because it's not looking too good to have a Babymoon. Then there's the goal of purchasing a home for our little family by the time this lease is up. There's just a lot of new things on the horizon around these parts and it's so exciting, but quickly me realize that I'm really grown out here, lol. God has been doing some amazing things in my life since I've decided to completely let him guide me and stop trying to figure it all out by myself. 

God is good.

...and I have to thank you for all the Baby Boy name suggestions, keep em' coming!

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1 comment :

Kimani Fisher said...

Going to CousinJan's ultrasound yesterday really put motherhood into perspective for me. I can't wait til my turn, and I'm so proud of you two for holding up and being so strong during trying situations.

uhm, Can I put Ky-Mani in the name ballot? It got shot down again by CousinT - but I like her choices anyway. :)

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