If Jolie Were Here

Today is one of those days. Those days when you beat yourself up and torture yourself to no end. I'm going through a stage when I keep wondering how my life would be different if Jolie were still here. What if she was able to pull through? What if she never came prematurely? What if I just had a normal pregnancy? What would she be doing? What kind of mom would I be?

When I was pregnant I started following tons of blogs of fellow pregnant women - I'm the only one with no baby. One blogger and I were both pregnant with a girls and we shared the same exact due date. Her little girl is now a healthy 4 months old. Mine is dead.

Once in a while someone will ask when I'm going to try for another baby, but I can't say I'm in that space right now. At this point, I don't want to have another baby, I want Jolie back. I want to go back time and fix everything...but life doesn't work that way, does it? I am doing my best. I'm getting better at coping - but some days are too much. Some days I'm sad. Other days I feel lonely. Today I'm angry.

...it's just one of those days...

A Job For Jin

I am not a style blogger by any means...

but I can I pretend for a little bit for the sake of this post?

But first I need to discuss the fact that my hair seemed to have exploded overnight. I don't know where the thickness and length came from all of a sudden - but wow! I've been washing (inconsistently) and protecting my hair under wigs, so it's been quite a while since I tried to put it in my top puff. I didn't even know what to do with it...I did some sort of tuck under thing...I don't know. Most of my color grew out again...I don't know when that happened either.

Necklace: Forever 21 | Blouse: Forever 21 | Blazer: Thrifted Donna Karen ($3...score)

Pants: Loved by Heidi Klum (that one maternity item I didn't let go (smh) | Shoes: Brash

So I wore this to a random job interview I had yesterday evening. I wanted to show that I was about business, so I wore black pants and blazer - but I also wanted to show my personality, hence the tangerine blouse and statement necklace. All the women in the office kept commenting on my necklace, it made for a great conversation starter. By the way, my shirt was tucked in for the interview, my mom would kill me otherwise.

Lemon Blueberry Pancakes

While on Facebook last night, I came across someones status that said today was free pancake day at IHOP. I almost died. Let me explain...I love pancakes. I once watched a half an hour special on pancakes...some people watch porn, I get turned on by Food Network and The Cooking Channel (sick I know). I went to bed with pancakes on the brain and woke up with the image still there. You could only imagine the heartbreak when the husband told me he wasn't going to IHOP with me. Who turns down free pancakes? He doesn't eat pancakes, but they're free! I didn't want to go there and eat pancakes by myself so I decided I'd have to make my own. I've been wanting to try this combo for a while and finally got to it today out of desperation, with this song on repeat, blasting at an ignorantly high volume.

What You Need |

• You favorite Pancake Mix
• Blueberries
• A Lemon
• Heavy whipping cream
• Maple Syrup
• What ever topping you like...I like fat free whipped cream and strawberries

***The amount of ingredients you need depends on how much you're making, so you can adjust it anyway you want depending on how many pancakes you need ***

Method |

• Pour out your desired amount of pancake mix and add water as needed
• Add blueberries
• Zest the entire lemon into the mixture
• Cut the lemon in half and squeeze the juice into the mixture
• Add the heavy whipping cream (amount will depend on your mixture)
• Cook your pancake as usual
• Add whatever toppings you like
• Stuff your face and enjoy :)

Random: I just realized I haven't shared any recipes here since September 2010, proof

that I barely ate at home when I lived in New York :/

The Weekend

OPI: Grape Wall of China...I forgot the name of the glitter but I know its by Orly

stocked up on fruits so we can start juicing

hubby laughing at highly inappropriate jokes

cousin kim on her way to a shing-dig

going to church

Lil Sis' dessert...Mmmmm

My first weekend back in South Florida was quite full. We've yet to unpack or get a moment to organize ourselves. Still living out our suitcases. Cousin Kim and I went to get manicures and regulated on a lady that was being rude to a manicurist...we're the mean police! The hubby and I also went on a double date to Five Guys and to see Safe House with another crazy cousin of mine and her husband. Yesterday was church - I was so excited. I love my church! When my pastor saw the hubby and I, he gave us big hugs and said he was so happy that his "daughter and son" were back. He's been very encouraging during our grieving, making sure to keep in touch by phone while we in New York. We then had Sunday dinner at my Aunt Marcy's. Anytime my mom and my aunts get together, it's a mess and yesterday was no exception. I laughed so hard that I ended up spitting up my juice at the dinner table. That was the second time I did that this weekend, I also had an episode at Five Guys. I've been laughing non-stop since I got here. If the past couple days are any indication of what's to come now that I'm back, I know things are going to be just fine.

How was your weekend?

SKINNY COW: Dulce de Leche

I think I've found my new favorite thing, Skinny Cow's Dulce de Leche! It's low fat and the individual container is only 150 calories. I've heard a lot about this brand, but never tried until recently. They have an array of low fat and low calorie guilt free candies and ice-creams...and I want to eat all of them!!!

Have you tried any Skinny Cow products?

The Sun Dried My Tears

iphone pic I took at the airport

Greetings from Sunny South Florida. So I did it. I moved.

Going Private.

our hotel room in vegas

Remember when I discussed possibly making this blog private? I may do so sooner rather than later. I'd love it you continued reading, so if it's not too much trouble, please send me your email address so that I can add you to the list of readers who has access. I'm actually a very reserved person. I created this blog to say a lot of the things that I felt I couldn't, but at the same token - I feel a bit exposed - if that makes sense. I love having a place to vent, but I'd like to contain it a little more. If you can, please send me your email address to info@lovelossandlacquer.com so that we can continue to connect via this blog. I may (as I shared with you earlier) create another (more light hearted - more than likely my favorite things, food,crafts, style, etc) blog that will be open that I can actually share with my family and friends. LL&L will continue to be updated as it is now. The other blog will serve more as a project/hobby to keep my mind busy. I'm not too sure if I'll be able to continue therapy once I move (have to wait for new insurance policy to kick in) so my therapist and I discussed doing something that makes me happy and keeps my mind occupied to keep my flashbacks at bay. Blogging makes me a happy, so I want to create a separate space filled with all the things that make me happy. There will be happy things here too, but personal things.

As usual, thanks for your continued support :)

The Vow

The husband and I aren't big on Valentines Day, but it didn't stop the Universe from throwing all sorts of romantic/mushy stuff our way. We kicked off last weekend, on a triple date to see The Vow. Have you seen it? I whole heartedly believe that Rachel McAdams was born to tell these modern romantic stories. She does it so well. Just like The Notebook, The Time Travelers Wife, etc - she did another amazing job...and Channing Tatum...yes ((claps hands and stomps feet)). The guys were trying to act all macho as if they were so uninterested in the movie, but I think they loved it more than us girls did, lol.

Hubby and I then wrapped up the weekend by attending a friend of mines wedding - it was so beautiful. She was gorgeous! Every detail was well thought out and there was food being thrown at us at every turn - great food! This was the first wedding we've attended since our own, so we couldn't help but reminisce about our own big day. With statistics being thrown around about divorce rates, and people not believing in marriage anymore - it was nice to see another couple taking a leap of faith.

Speaking of vows and taking a leap of faith, this weeks lack of blogging is a result of that fact that we recently decided to leave New York again and move back to South Florida. After a crazy year back in New York, it's time to go. It just seems like every few months something else is happening and everyone has realized how tense I've become. Telling everyone I was leaving again was the worst (lots of tears), but everyone realizes that I'm much happier in Florida. They realize that this is the best thing for me. It's weird because my friends and family in NY are so sad we're leaving, but everyone in FL is so excited to have us back.I completed my vision board on New Years Eve and vowed to make some drastic changes in 2012 to not have a year like the last. Though I went through a dark spot, everything started to rapidly fall into place over the past few days. Very strange but welcomed. Moving will not solve all my problems, but I'll be more comfortable there. That is where I'll plant my roots and start a family. I plan to become a homeowner in the next year or two, and have created a plan to make sure this dream comes to fruition.

For the first time in a long time, I'm excited for the future.

For the first time in a long time I feel like I have something to work towards.

...I feel like I have a purpose again.

Thanks for sticking through the journey with me :)

BIRCHBOX, February 2012 & upcoming giveaway

My Birchbox arrived just in time for Valentines Day. Unfortunately, it's taken sometime for me to open it as I had a few events and outings to attend over the past few days, in addition to a big life change that will be happening in a few days (also my explanation for the lack of posts around here). Without further delay, here's what I received:

Dermalogica Daily Microfoliant® | This is the item I'm most excited to try. I was introduced to this brand by a client a few years ago, who was attending their academy. Although everyone I know who uses Dermalogica swears by their products, I've never been able to bring myself to shell out the cash. This why I love Birchbox - the full size retails for $50...now I can test it out to make sure it's worth it.

Eye Rock Designer Liner | **UPCOMING GIVEAWAY ALERT** I professed my love for these last week. Since I've received a second package, I'd love to giveaway the new (un-used and un-opened) package that I received in this box to one of you lovely gals. Please check back for details.

Jouer Luminizing Moisture Tint | Looking at my stockpile of makeup, it's hard to believe that I don't have a tint moisturizer - so I'm excited about this.

Colorescience Pro: Glow & Go Travel Puff | I'm a grease-ball...so I'm already in love with this before even getting a chance to try it

Extras:

Heart Shaped Nail File | Cutest thing ever...that's all

Birchbox Digital Download | Music? I'll take it. Birchbox has gifted us with six free songs from indie rock band Green River Ordinance! How cool is that? What a clever marketing tool to get their music out to the ladies.

Are you a Birchbox subscriber?

What did you receive this month?

Let Me Dream In One Piece

Gone are the days when wearing a one piece swimsuit meant looking unfashionable and frumpy. These days, designers are creating couture like designs whether your splashing around in the water or just sipping cocktails at a Vegas style pool party. I for one have always appreciated the one piece, as I tend to be a bit more modest. I know we're in the beginning of February, and summer is nowhere near (especially if you live in the Northeast like I do), but a girl can dream, can't she? Besides, I may have a few trips lined up that will require me to make a new swimsuit purchase. Here's some inspiration (translation: things I can't afford but are pretty to look at) that caught my eye:

Miu Miu Bow-embellished bandeau swimsuit | Michael Kors Speed Clip metallic-trimmed swimsuit

Clube Bossa Ruched plunge-front halterneck swimsuit | Clube Bossa Couture asymmetric ruched swimsuit

Norma Kamali Walter Mio ruched mesh swimsuit | Norma Kamali Bill halterneck swimsuit

What's your swimwear style?

One piece?

Bikini?

Hiding in t-shirts and shorts?

all photos via net-a-porter



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(tutorial & review) EYE ROCK: DESIGNER LINER

When I was in makeup school, I was one of the least favorites to practice on. Not because of my attitude or skin, but because my eyes are very sensitive and blink like crazy when anything goes near it. Putting eyeliner on me was a nightmare and to this day, is barely a part of my makeup regimen. When Birchbox sent me an exclusive preview of some products in the upcoming February box, I was immediately interested in the Eye Rock: Designer Liner. What? Instant eyeliner tapes? The owner must have created this for me.

Each package comes with 4 distinct styles of liner

Step 1: Make sure your eyelid is clean and dry

Step 2: Choose one out of the four styles for your look

Step 3: Hold the strip against your lash line to measure

Step 4: If needed, trim any excess with scissors from the inner corner

Step 5: Place the strip as close to your lash line as possible and gently press down so it sticks

Step 6: Repeat the above steps for the other eye

If you have an unsteady hand or you're a Blinky Blinkerson like me, tweezers may come in handy.

Chances are, you'll have a gap between the strip and your lash line. You can easily fill that in with your regular eye liner, add your mascara as usual, and if you have some strip or individual lashes (which I unfortunately didn't) - you're all set!

Overall Review: I found the Eye Rock Designer Liners to be quick and very easy to apply. I also love the variety of style to choose from, which would enhance any makeup look! I'm impressed and will be recommending them to everyone I know. I wish I had them for my girls weekend.

Who Is This Product For: Ladies like myself who may have a difficult time applying eyeliner due to eye sensitivity, unsteady hands or are just not skilled at applying liner (it's ok now ya'll). Individuals who are on the move and don't have time to perfect their liquid liner in the mirror Or if you're just a product junkie and want to try something new - you won't regret it.

Would I Purchase This Product: Absolutely! My eyeliner problems have been solved. This is genius!

Where To Purchase: HERE on Birchbox.com

I did not purchase this product with my own money. This product was sent to me courtesy of Birchbox. In order to maintain the integrity of "Love, Loss and Lacquer", all samples are for consideration only. The views expressed here are my own, I did not receive any monetary compensation for this post.

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Welcome To My Lipstick Jungle

It's no secret around here that I love lacquer, but my other equally guilty pleasure is lipstick. Growing up, I use to think lipstick was only for "old ladies", but it's become another obsession of mine within the last year. I was once a lipgloss fanatic, but I now prefer bold color as long as the brand I'm wearing is ultra hydrating to the lips. My current favorite brands are Motives Cosmetics by Loren Ridinger and Revlon. As ashamed as I am to admit this, the products in today's post doesn't put a dent in my lipstick collection - however these eight are in my current rotation.

Tomato Red | Red Coral

Motives Cosmetics by Loren Ridinger

Va Va Violet | Berry Haute | Lilac Champagne

by Revlon

Venetian Red | Ruby | Nude

Motives Cosmetics by Loren Ridinger

What lipsticks are in your current rotation?

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The Most Fabulous Girls Weekend

This Girls Weekend couldn't have come at a better time. After a depressing week, I couldn't wait to let my hair down with the girls. We celebrated another 25th birthday - partying in VIP Friday night, and having dinner Saturday night. The 8 of us have been friends forever! 2 of them having been my bestfriends since I was 10 and the others since I was 12 -some of them have known each other since preschool. Not many women can say that they've had a tight knit group of friends, so I feel very blessed. The birthday girl had an amazing time which was most important, and we concluded the weekend with a Super Bowl party - go New York!!!

How was your weekend?

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