37.6 : 15 days to go

I'm really starting to GET IT now...I'm REALLY about to have a baby...like any day now! Today during my now weekly appointment, my doctor surprisingly asked me if I wanted to be induced next Friday or Saturday. Let's skip the fact that he asked me that question and let's focus on point that I'm so far along that my baby can be born now and live. Yes I know what you might be thinking. How could you not understand what's happening with that big belly in front of you, you're ability to loose your breath at any moment and you barely have any balance? I'm a woman who gave birth too early last year and lost her child. I haven't quite grasped the concept that I can bring a baby to term. It's taken me a while to understand that this is something that I'm physically capable of doing. I know I'm pregnant and I know I've been pregnant for a long time, but at times it feels like an out of body experience. 

When my doctor asked if I wanted to be induced I started crying because as they say, "sh*t got real" (for lack of a better phrase). This child that I'm carrying can be in my arms at any time now. I'm not going to lie to you, I also had a flashback of what labor felt like which scared me a little. I questioned if I should go ahead with my natural birth plan - all these thoughts ran through my head in a matter of seconds and I got overwhelmed. 

As far as the induction, it's not a medical necessity so I feel no reason to rush the process. He's not too big or causing me any harm, so I'll let him arrive when he chooses to. Surprisingly I'm not tired of being pregnant as yet. It's hard to move around, pick things up and breathe sometimes, but I'm not over it. Not that this can't change in the next few days, lol. Thanks to watching The Business of Being Born, I was familiar with a lot of the terminology that the doctor was using in reference to explaining how an induction is done as well as the medications that he mentioned. If you're thinking of having children one day or you're currently pregnant, this documentary is a must see!!! I can't stress that enough. Whether you're interested in natural birth or not, it's extremely informative and will only make you more confident in what ever choice that you make. 

As someone mentioned in the documentary, we spend more time researching the type of car we want to buy than we do about our birth options...and there ARE options, even with medications. 

As mentioned before, my plan is go all natural but if things change and I do have to go the route of using medication, I need to know what those medications are. 

In all, week 37 was a good one. I spent lots of time with my family doing Christmas festivities and lounging around. I even got my cousin addicted to my new favorite show Sons of Anarchy. Do you watch? The lead character Jax Teller is my new boyfriend in my head. Speaking of boyfriends in my head, I met one of them yesterday - Peter from Real Housewives of Atlanta (you can see the photo on my instagram). On the pregnancy side of things, it's become a challenge more than ever to literally get out of bed. Meaning, trying to roll over and make my way off the bed, especially at night for potty breaks. I'm pretty sure I broke my bed from how heavy I am...I feel so sorry for it every time I climb in. I can literally hear it crying.

In all, Grey and I are both doing great and looking forward to locking eyes for the first time. I'm always tired, but I'm Blessed. Just waiting...


WEEK 37 // HOLIDAZE

Blazer: Kasper via Burlington Coat Factory // Scarf: Love Culture // Necklace: Forever 21 
 Blouse: Forever 21 Plus Size // Velvet Leggings: Forever 21 (from years ago)
 Boots: XRSE // Purse: Louis Vuitton // Lippie: Fire Red by Motives Cosmetics
I know this outfit doesn't look like much, but during these last few days of pregnancy it's a mission to find clothes than fit, much less go together. Oddly enough, none of the items I'm wearing are maternity pieces. Thanks to the cold front we've been experiencing in my neck of the woods, I was able to wear this blazer for the first time, after having it sit in my closet for six months. I was so determined to wear it to church service yesterday. Apparently I wasn't the only one who came up with this "genius" idea because everyone who had a red blazer wore one, lol. The Christmas program was so much fun and naturally the children stole the show! 
Church was followed by Pre-Christmas dinner at Cousin Kim's moms house. Any time with my family is a good one, although truthfully many of us need to be institutionalized. We're all very intelligent and calm people separately  but when we're all together it's as if we share one brain. It get's very loud, we all start spilling the tea and you need to be able to take a joke or two. I laughed so hard last night I had to run to run to the potty before it was too late (ahhhhhh, the joys of pregnancy). Completely out of  control!
For my hair, I slicked it down the night before with the Ampro Gel. I'm usually an Eco-Styler Gel user, but I'm fed up with the flaking. I love this style! It's so easy to do if you're a natural looking for a way to get your hands out your hair for a few days, and even easier if you're hair is already straight from a relaxer. I meant to film a tutorial for you yesterday, but as I was setting up I realized the camera battery was dead. In the meantime, you can use this past post as a guide. 
Anyhoo, if you celebrate Christmas I hope you have a wonderful time with your family tomorrow. If you have other traditions, I wish you safety and lots of love as well. Also, I'd like to wish my Aunt Annie a Happy Birthday today who just launched her blog "Live, Love, Laugh"! And also stop by "Eat 2 Live Beautiful" by my cousin Zenann, a blog that was launched over the weekend as well. You may remember her from the video my husband and I filmed with her and her husband called "Miscarriage During Marriage". Check my family out and tell them that I sent you :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY HOLIDAYS 
TO YOU AND YOURS

I'm Officially FULL TERM today!!!!

::does a cartwheel::

::hits the dougie::

::does the butterfly::

::starts to wu-tang::

::starts to bruk it down::

::jumps and lands in a split::

I don't know if you can feel my enthusiasm through this post, but honey, if I had a direct line to Jesus I'd be blowing up his phone right now. Hey Jesus Hey! But for now a prayer of thanks will do. I'm 37 weeks as of today, which means that I'm officially full term. :: hits the dougie again:: When I saw my doctor yesterday he yelled, " We did it!!!" So excited...but exhausted at the same time, lol. Baby can be born any day now and will be fine, although ideally I'd like to keep him cooking till week 39...but that's not up to me.

As far as week 36 went, it was jam packed, leaving me slower than ever with little energy. The week kicked off with my cousins baby shower. I was so exhausted to go as I don't get out much. Cake, music and family? I was so in there! I danced, I ate and I laughed a lot. Most importantly my cousin had a great time and the event turned out just the way that she imagined. But my entire body ached the next day, lol.

Secondly I had two classes at the hospital this week - child care & breastfeeding. Both classes were held at night which was hard for me since I had to fight through sleep, but they were extremely informative nonetheless. I've learned so much, especially about breastfeeding. I know it may be a challenge but I'm feeling more confident than ever after learning all the things that I did in the class. I took my pregnant cousin with me since my husband couldn't make the class last minute. We had a lot of fun learning together, although we were both so restless that we started playing with our dolls...we're like kids.

Thirdly, I had two doctors appointments this week. The 1st was to see my specialist where I did my sonogram. Baby Grey was so uncooperative that I didn't get one picture, lol. He was head down and facing my back - I didn't even get to see his little face. I think he's just over it! He's not much of a fan of sonograms or any kind of examinations where he has to be touched. He's notorious for kicking monitors off my belly, flashing people and wiggling around into positions that make it hard to take his measurements, lol. Most importantly though, everything looks good, he's putting on weight and measuring perfectly. Since I'm due any day now, that was my last appointment with my specialist especially as there's no need to keep measuring my cervix at this point.

My regular OB went great as well. I originally thought that Baby was measuring a little smaller than he should, but this doctor told me that he was right on track. That made more sense to me. I wasn't told anything about being effaced but as I read, that can change overnight. I was told yesterday that my cervix is still very thick, so I'm thinking I can at least make it to the Christmas festivities...but things can change. So far though, I seem to be not be one of the ladies who goes into labor a week after being done with the 17-P injections. Most people seem to be betting that he'll either be born on Jan 1st or Jan 7th. We'll see what he's up to.

In any event, I'm so excited to have made it this far! Sometimes I'm still in awe that the little person wiggling around in my belly is going to be in my arms soon. Everything is ready to go and waiting! I'm so happy!

My Coach Baby Bag Signature C Dot Tote Review


Hi loves! Today I wanted to quickly share with you the Coach Baby Bag Signature C Dot Tote
that I  picked up over the weekend. As I shared a little while back, I originally had my 
eye on their Ocelot Print Baby Bag Tote, but due to my procrastination it was completely 
gone by the time I was ready. Luckily I found a second option that I
 loved just as much that I wanted to share with you:


Purchase The Bag Here While Supplies Last

LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK BELOW IN THE COMMENTS SECTION :)

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CIRQUE DU BEBE SHOWER // The Decor


When it came to the decor for my shower, I didn't want much. The room was so beautiful and had so many beautiful yet subtle details, that I didn't need anything over the top. I was going to originally created centerpieces using some huge feathers that I found online, but it was going to be costly and time consuming. Finally a light clicked in my head that I should ask Big Sis to do the centerpieces. She has an amazing company called Nicole's Gift Creations that you need to check out if you're in the New York/New Jersey area. She designed the center pieces before flying down and thanks to the helium tank I rented, she was able to have everything done in no time. I couldn't have been happier. To further tie in the theme I framed the Cirque Du Bebe free printables from Hostess to the Mostess on each table. The picture frames were bought from Dollar Tree and spray painted yellow by my husband. With so many colors being introduced by the balloons, I opted to leave the table cloths white and use black squared chargers - simple. The gift bags ended up adding to the decor as well, hanging from the backs of the deep brown chivari chairs. 

Unfortunately most of these photos were taken before the curtains were opened up, so you're not able to see how bright the room was. I hope you're still able to get a good idea of how beautiful it all turned out.


CIRQUE DU BEBE SHOWER // Gift Opening


My shower was so jam packed that I still haven't finished the recaps - not to worry, this is the second to last one. Today I wanted to share the gift opening as I couldn't be more appreciative of all the presents for our little one. As any new mom knows, it's quite overwhelming both mentally and financially trying to get all the necessities. Doing my registry was way too much for me, so my Big Sis took care of that for me online. I mean...wanting a stroller and seeing a hundred of them in while aisle can make anyone's head spin...thank goodness she took care of that task for me. 

The blanket that I'm holding in the first photo was knitted for me by my God Mother...it was the one gift that made me cry. She knits one for all the new mommies in our family, but for some reason I was still so shocked to get one. I'm so appreciative that she took the time to do this for Grey and after the shower she knitted him a matching pair of booties - the woman is so talented...and thoughtful.


It wasn't until I was opening the gifts with my husband that it really hit me...I'm having a baby! The little onesies and tiny socks almost made me fall apart. The actual day of the shower made me really take a step back and take in all the Blessings that have been bestowed upon me. For the most part of this pregnancy I'd been going through the motions and struggling with my emotions...but on this day I just had fun celebrating the upcoming arrival of my son.


While all the gifts were special, I wanted to share another one that tugged at my heart. Owner of Tae Events, Tamala and I connected after she saw me sharing my story in Chary Jay's "Girl Talk" video. After exchanging a few emails back and forth, I was so excited to finally meet her prior to my shower beginning. She told me that she was bringing one of her diaper creations but I really had no idea what to expect. I was BLOWN AWAY!!! The amount of detail that she put into this gift, even customizing the colors to match my shower decor and having the Cirque Du Bebe sign on the circus tent- I was floored. She did such an amazing job that I have yet to take it apart...I can't stop looking at it. I'm obsessed. More importantly she's such a sweetheart and I just can't thank her enough for doing this. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU TAMALA!


Dreams of Jolie



Jolie visits me in my dreams once in a while. It's not a frequent occurance as she probably knows I can't handle it. Truthfully, the one I had last night is the first one I've ever had that hasn't left me completely grief stricken the next day. They're never sad dreams...but dreams of the little girl that I'll never get a chance to physical see grow up nontheless. Oddly enough, in this last dream, she started off the newborn that I had a few hours with but by the end she appeared to be the age that she would have been now. I couldn't believe how beautiful she was - she kind of favored my youngest niece. I couldn't stop staring at her. At the end of the dream I was picking her up from school and she was just so excited to see me, it made my heart melt

I now try to take solace in the fact that she let's me know every so often that she's around and I get to see her grow up. I hope to continue seeing her progression in my dreams and I I hope that one day she'll be able to speak to me. I'd love to hear her voice.

Yesterday as I thought about her, it felt as though I could practically feel my heart breaking with how much I missed her...but she always shows up right on time to let me know she's with me. I've gotten pretty good at once again being able to function in my every day life, but I'm always thinking about her. It's a normal thing for my sub-conscience to remember daily that I birthed a child that passed away. More challenging is that I have to remind myself, that although she died, I didn't and that it's ok to keep going. It's ok to keep living. 

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WEEK 34 | The Last Injection

34 weeks and 6 days pregnant today
Today was my last 17-P Injection!!! 
I wanted to skip out the office, but once I realized how much 
energy and mobility that would require, I chose the latter and wobbled my way out. 

I had a check up this week and all looks well. Grey is not as big as I thought, but he's growing nicely and I can definitely feel it as each week passes. Though I have to put out quite an effort to find a comfortable position to sleep in, I'm not as uncomfortable as I thought I would be...though that will more than likely change in these last few weeks. I tend to be out of breath more often than not though, especially when I'm wrestling with the pillows to find that sweet spot to sleep in at night. I don't get out much these days since everyone has been chipping in with my errands and helping me stay off my feet. Besides trips to Target to get things for me and baby, doctor appointments and upcoming preparation classes at the hospital - I'm in bed. I am however planning date nights over the next few weeks to squeeze in some quality time with the husband. Looks like I may have found a pediatrician as well, who I will be meeting with next week before fully committing.

It's still mind blowing to me that my child will be here in just 30 something days...I couldn't be in a better place in life right. I am truly happy and grateful for where I am right now. At this time last year, I was just accepting Jolie's death and starting to think about trying to conceive again. It's amazing what can happen in a year. I will say it over and over again...GOD IS GOOD! 

November Favorites 2012


I seriously can't believe November has come and gone, can you believe it?

Even more shocking...I'm only 38 days away from my due date - say what now? In any event, I have my November favorites here to share with you lovely people and I hope you don't mind how out of breath I am in this video (thanks kid). In any case, I hope you enjoy my picks for the month and I'll link everything mentioned in the video below. 



WEEK 34 | Hospital Bag Shopping, A Tour & A Postpartum Doula

...I've always wanted to ride around in these things. Unfortunately, it's a lot slower than I would have preferred but my legs have been feeling like jello these days so this was handy. Yea I may have almost hit a few people and ran into some racks...but I had so much fun in Target yesterday while shopping for mine and Grey's hospital bag. I'd been watching a few videos on youtube to get some ideas, but ultimately I went by The Bump's Hospital Bag Checklist

Immediately after leaving there we rushed over to our hospital for the Maternity Ward Tour. We got a more specific list of what our hospital provides and doesn't, so we're going to have to do a little more shopping for our overnight bags. Be on the lookout for the an upcoming "What's In My Hospital Bag" video post. Anyhoo, we had a full classroom yesterday with lots of pregnant women (of course) and their partners. It was given by the lactation nurse who is hilarious, I can't wait to see her again once I deliver. After being given some reading materials, shown the slides and had our questions answered, we headed out on the floor to see the rooms. I don't know if this is an odd thing to say, but that tour made me so excited to go into labor (?). I seriously love my hospital and the staff there...and if you've been reading this blog, you know I spend a lot of time there. I could have practically given the tour of the Labor & Delivery Ward myself. The labor and delivery room is amazing and they basically allow you to bring into anything and do anything you want to make yourself comfortable. The suites upstairs are just great as well and I love how baby friendly the hospital is. They do skin to skin and try to do breastfeeding before taking the baby to be showered and baby stays with you the entire time instead of the nursery. I feel more comfortable than ever about giving birth - I just can't wait! AND!!!! We have the option of having a photographer basically set up a photo studio in our room to have a newborn baby and parents photo shoot. Listen, it's going down honey! We're totally doing that! I really wanted a nice newborn photo shoot but I wasn't sure how or when it was going to get down - but now that I know this service is available to me before I even go home - Amen! 

Once the tour was over, we rushed back home to make our appointment with a potential postpartum doula. Although my family is very supportive and willing to help, the fact of the matter is that everyone is extremely busy working a job or two. My husband in particular clocks into his job before the sun comes up and doesn't leave till anywhere from ten to thirteen hours later. Everyone close to the situation is very supportive of me having some help for those first days, even if it's just a few hours out the day. More than likely I'll only have her for about three days during the first week that I'm home, but a little help is better than none...and which mother of a newborn would turn down help? Not me! In any event, she was as amazing in person as she was over the phone and the way that I met her is actually kind of funny...I think it was fate. 

...but that was my Sunday in a nutshell. I haven't done that much in a while, but I love a productive day. I'm looking forward to the rest of the classes that I'll be taking at the hospital and the fact that my last 17-P injection is this Thursday...can you believe it? 

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