Two summers ago while living in the NYC, I had an idea to start a beauty blog. My daughter had recently passed away and I was searching the depths of my soul trying to remember things I liked and was passionate about. I started playing around with names and came up with one that I thought would work. I'd write down the topics I wanted to talk about, people I wanted to interview and such. Nothing came of it though. I was grieving, my self esteem was shot, and the last thing I thought about myself was that I was beautiful...so there was no way I could devote an entire blog to helping others feel beautiful either. I thought, maybe I can incorporate it into my existing blog, no one would visit the new one anyway. I'd post some hair and beauty stories here and there, even some style posts...because I love it and sometimes there was nothing going on in my actual life that was worth writing about or that I was comfortable sharing. Things were so heavy and sad sometimes that I'd just want to talk about girly things. Not knowing that this blog existed, friends would ask me to create a blog where I can give advice...I always promised that I'd get to it.
So here we are, two years later...and I finally got to it. The little idea that I had two years ago, you can see it here. The thing is, I've wanted a career in beauty but I know what capacity it will turn out to be. I know I love to blog and take pictures, so I'm doing what I know until one day beauty is my job. Be it the blog itself turning into a career or being able to use it as a portfolio...I don't know what's in store for me, but I know that I've now taken a step towards my passion and have faced a fear of starting something new. Once I did create it however, I panicked after realizing that some of the links in those posts would lead back here...my safe Heaven that barely anyone in my personal life knows about, much less people I've met over the years who I've never shared some of these things with it. Yes, I know - my business is on the internet and other people read it...but I get shy about it when people I know talk to me about it sometimes. I feel more safe hiding behind the computer screen if that makes sense.
That being sad, I made this blog private for a day or two while I tried to get rid of some of those links (I'm sure one or two slipped through though), so someone will likely stumble over here. But in that short amount of time I began being contacted by readers (even my cousin) about getting the password so that they can continue reading though the blog is now private. As silly as this sounds, sometimes I forget that other people care about or even read this blog. I don't tons of comments, I have less than 300 follows on Google Reader so I tend to think it's just me and a few people hanging out here...but then I'll look at my views once in a while and realize that I have upwards of 20k views for the month at times. But I wouldn't dare think that so many stop by here. My cousin says that I'm in denial about people reading my blog, lol...I guess.
I've contemplated closing this blog a few times over the years, just because sometimes it feels so daunting to have so many raw emotions just sitting on the internet for anyone to read...but apparently someone out there is relating to me. I know I'm not saving the world, but maybe I'm helping someone I suppose.
I'm babbling on...I'm sorry...so disorganized with my thoughts today...
But I guess I'm going to keep this blog, if not for me, definitely for Grey as this will now become the space where I share the simple happenings of our daily lives...though not on a daily basis. There will be no more beauty, style or hair posts here - they will all be on the new space. I've pretty much grown up on this blog and it's great that I'm able to reflect back on any date since 2008 by looking through these archives.
I feel a little shy and exposed sometimes, but here I stay!