Giving birth to two babies, but only being able to raise one is an odd feeling. Jolie is very much apart of our everyday life, but I just didn't picture my life like this. I don't think I'll ever fully understand why she came and went back to Heaven the way she did. However, as what would have been her third birthday approaches, I realize how much purpose my little girl has given me. I'm really passionate about helping other women who have unfortunately experienced something similar. Early in my healing, I was so afraid of being known as "the girl whose baby died".
At this point, things are good but I still have bad days...like about a month ago when I had a melt down in the bathroom at work. When I really sit and think about the whole thing, it's way too much. I'm good though! I've come to accept that I'm not going to get over her death - I'm going to have to deal with it for the rest of my life.
It still hurts. It always will.
We always talk to Grey about his sister, sometimes he kisses her urn. Though he doesn't understand at 15 months old - he will grow up knowing that he has a big sister in Heaven.
We're creating so many memories that I wish she was apart of, it makes me really sad sometimes. I am however so grateful to now have my boy and watch him blossom before my eyes. What a joy is it to see him grow and experience his love. I love his facial expression when I pick him up at daycare and he's always so excited when his daddy gets home from work. He loves to blow kisses at us and give big hugs. Looking through old photos of my husband and I - I could not have imagined us being where we are now. But this is life right? There are good seasons and growing pains. I'm finally in a place where I'm present and I'm enjoying it.