Sunflower Child

Taking a step back from this blog just kind of happened. I thought many times that I was sharing too much and that I needed to close this space or make it private. After Jolie passed, it became the only place where I could seek refuge. During my pregnancy with Grey it was nice to have this community genuinely happy for me and cheering me on. But I only became more confused about this blog after having my son. While I LOVE reading family blogs plastered with photos of their children, I just couldn't get comfortable with the idea for us. But what was I to write about as a stay at home mom besides my baby? Slowly my interest dwindled and months passed by with me being comfortable with not sharing parts of my life here anymore. I have another blog, which keeps me quite busy and doesn't require me to share too much about my personal life. Over the past few weeks I'd find myself reading through this space crying, laughing at my self and wondering what I was thinking with some of them. It's kinda dope to have this journal of words, photo and video. Being able to pick a date in the past and see what I was doing at that time is cool. The saving grace for LL&L has been that it would be amazing to have my kids read this one day and get to know before I was mom. 

Sharing my family online is kinda of scary. Just a few months ago I was helping a fellow blogger and mother to get her daughters photo removed from an IG account where this woman, pretended that her daughter was hers. It only made me more comfortable with never writing here again. And the meanies. The internet can be tough. I'm lucky enough to have never been attacked online or had to deal with being on forums - but the thought of exposing my child to that makes my blood boil. I'm not a big blogger with tons of haters or anything, but just the possibility of it annoys me. If someone to ever say anything about my boy...well... I wouldn't share here what I would do. 

I'm still not sure what I'm doing back here but it feels good to be back.

Logging into my google reader and catching up with everyones lives has been so fun! Some are expecting babies, had the baby that they were pregnant with last time I read, bought a house, are moving to a different country - so much has changed. As for me, I cut all my hair off, doing well with the other site and am starting a bath and beauty brand in memory of my daughter. My house still doesn't look like a Pinterest board and shit life isn't perfect. I'm still trying to figure out this mom thing, how to not be poor and I need to go back to therapy. In all though, nothing devastating has happened in the last few months which I'm really excited about. Overall I'm happy, still a little confused about this blog and just trying to stay encouraged...oh yea and I lost 33 pounds.

This my friends is life currently, otherwise known as all the things you missed when I stopped blogging here. Special shout out to me for blogging consistently this week and getting you all caught up.



1 comment :

Erica Nichole said...

Super glad to see you back! :-)


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